Time stood still

I have not been blogging lately because I lost my son to an  automobile accident on May 15 . I haven’t shared alot mainly because  I don’t know  how . I only know that my perfect son was takin from us far before his time . His smile would light up my  world as soon as I seen it and to hear his laugh was amazing and now all I have left are 20 years of memories that I must hold onto and carry on with him in my heart . He wouldn’t want me to be sad and drag on through life he would want me to live it to the fullest and make the best of everyday and enjoy it for him and that is exactly what I am going to do . Any  parent should never have to lose a child no matter their age and I now know the crushing feeling in my chest that is empty for now until I allow my self to be ok and to start to heal for my familys sake , they deserve  to mourne and have grief in whatever  way that helps them cope and it is my job to stand tall and help them in any way I can  . He left behind 2 sisters and a brother , 2 of which are older than him and they both live in other towns so I have to hope they will reach out to us when they need to and allow us to help them heal . His  youngest sister is 16 and she lost her best friend and it wouldn’t be fair for me to crumble and not be there for her when she needs me the most and that goes also for my husband , He held me up when the doorbell rang and we got the news that every parent fears and  at that moment time stood still ,  he is the  warrior that carried me through the battle field of the funeral planning and arrangments and he protected me when I needed it the most and now it is his turn . We have welcomed Jakes fiance into our home until she is ready to step back out into the world without  him .  Now that things are calming down and I look around the house and see that the fresh flowers sent by many are starting to wilt and the casseroles are dwindling from the fridge and it is time to go back to work and resume life as normally as we can . Granted our lives have now shifted and will never be the same but for  our own sanity we have to continue as he would have wanted us too . Now comes the time to answer the tough questions and do the dreadful chore of going to his house and packing his things and finalizing all the loose ends for him . I am a firm believer in seeing signs of a loved one that has passed and I see Jake daily so I know that his is still close and that brings me comfort, so until we see him again we will love life for him and continue out the plans we all had and will make sure he gets what he wanted ! I’m not sure if I will continue to write blog posts about our loss or not but for today it helped for me put some of my feelings into words . I won’t share the details of his service or the memorials that followed because those are very personal to my family but the outpour of support and amount of lives he touched in his short 20 years was incredible to see and made me very proud to hear all of the kind things people had the share about our son , I guess we must of done something right ! For now we will charge forward and carry eachother through and live on for Jake .  In my heart you will remain forever young…  698bb2088f0aa4e12f216ead233736ba